Some people will just be Tools for Life.
4:41 PM, Friday, 15 February, 2008
In my special Caro-logic way, I have developed a new Theory of Shoes. It goes like this:
i) If one finds shoes on sale, one must buy them.
2) If one finds shoes on sale and buys any number of shoes, the total price being less than or equal to the original price of any one pair of the shoes purchased, one can be said to have only bought one pair of shoes.
c) If one's sale-related shoe purchasing goes above and beyond the original price of a single pair of shoes, one's purchases only equal two pairs of shoes. Really.
d) When the shoe rack gets full, see i).
I will create equations and pie charts to prove this, as my research progresses.
In the meantime, I would like to remind everyone to sponsor me in Febfast, whereby I, guided only by the power of my shoes and my associate addiction to Green & Black's Maya Gold chocolate, AM NOT DRINKING ANY ALCOHOL FOR THE ENTIRE MONTH OF FEBRUARY. Please sponsor me in this, because for once it's not all about me - it's about the youth with alcohol and substance abuse issues who we're raising the money for. Thanks.
I will leave you with this: For, something about the video here made me find it to be hysterically funny. Maybe because life is too precious, my friend. Maybe because of the hair. Maybe because of the tools...
Filed under Stuff
Hardcore Frottage
1:30 PM, Thursday, 14 February, 2008
This afternoon a pair of teenagers were lying on the steps to my office building, getting down and dirty valentine's day style*. Most people were amused as they stepped around the writhing, some were horrified.
I was most astonished that they weren't getting sore backs from wriggling around on the stone stairs, but then again I'm not as young as I once was. I tend to think about whether it'll hurt or make me cold before I jump in these days.
Eventually somebody in the building decided to burst their valentines day bubble, about an hour into the exhibition, by calling security - four guards surrounded them and asked them to leave the premises. They wandered away red-faced. Ah, young love...
*Plastic rose lying discarded on the footpath beside them.
Filed under Stuff
Sorry
8:08 AM, Wednesday, 13 February, 2008
It's about time.
Filed under Super Dooper
Early Onset Dementia
8:11 AM, Monday, 11 February, 2008
This morning I spilt coffee all over my cute little dress. I was already late for work, so I ran into the bedroom and threw on a cute little skirt and cute little top. I had already checked that I was wearing underwear. Easy!
After I got off the tram, as I was working up the street in my cute little skirt and cute little top on my way to work, I was thinking to myself:
"I thought this cute little top had pockets."
"Lucky I remembered to wear undies today! This certainly is quite a short cute little skirt!"
"I could have sworn that this cute little top had pockets!"
"Undies really are good. Freedom of expression aside, they do keep my butt warm on a chilly morning."
"Didn't this cute little top have pockets...?"
...
...
"Oh my god I put my cute little top on backwards!"
Hanging my head in shame, I walked faster. As soon as I got to my building I dashed into the bathrooms and rectified the situation. Oh. My. Gods. I knew I was getting old (only 19 sleeps until 26 years!) but really didn't think I'd be feeling the effects so soon.
Filed under Stuff
Absent Minded
8:37 AM, Wednesday, 30 January, 2008
After I got off the tram this morning, as I was working up the street in my cute little dress on my way to work, I was thinking to myself:
Ooooh, it's a bit chilly this morning!
Oooh, it's a bit chilly! I don't remember putting a g-string on today!
Hmm, I don't remember putting a g-string on this morning! Silly decision, my butt is most definitely chilly.
Damn, I should have put warmer undies on!
I really don't remember putting a g-string on...
...
...
OH MY GOD I FORGOT TO PUT UNDIES ON!!!!
Luckily there are plenty of places during my walk to work between the point of realisation and my office where I could purchase some undies that would both retain my modesty, and keep my butt warm.
That will be all.
Filed under Stuff
Dinner Tonight
5:41 PM, Friday, 18 January, 2008
I found these today. Yes, they are blue. I'm going to make Yehia eat them tonight:
Does anybody know what spirulina is?
I hope they stay blue after I cook them.
Filed under Stuff
Work
3:07 PM, Tuesday, 15 January, 2008
I have been back at work for a full two weeks now, and already I am tired of it.
I work in a women's community organisation. I'm not a hairyhippyfemihairyweirdarse, I am in fact a nice person who happens to have a lovely bottom. Nonetheless, this particular organisation seems to attract what we in the welfare industry like to term "whackos".
Including but not exclusive to:
Man walks into office, "My son was born here 21 years ago. What do you think I should buy him for his birthday next week?"
Phone rings, "Hi, I'm from Adelaide but I want to have a shower in Melbourne. Do you have a place for me to take a shower?"
Admittedly fielding such requests is better than doing actual work, which is hard to do in January because it is right after the holidays. It is also better than popping out babies (which would hurt), or living on the streets as a crazy cat-lady. I will come back tomorrow.
Filed under Stuff
Giving my Liver a break!
6:51 PM, Thursday, 10 January, 2008
I'm all for good causes.
If you are too, and even if you aren't, support me as I stop drinking for ALL OF FEBRUARY to raise money for young people dealing with substance abuse. All donations are distributed to the youth drug and alcohol service sector in order to help angry teenagers with their issues.
Take a look here for more info, and to support me (and my liver) please come and donate here.
Hooray! Thanks for your support!
Filed under Stuff
How I did Cope
1:30 PM, Wednesday, 2 January, 2008
I'm just too confused with celebrations. Eid-celebrating husband, Christmas-celebrating family and alcohol-celebrating me equals bamboozled Carolyn. I didn't know how to cope. So I did what I do best:
I got drunk (lots), and ate (lots).
This was all to culminate in an anti-celebration of the new year, but apparently my hedonist rampage decided to affect me* and I broke my back and couldn't get out of bed on Monday morning. It was either the hedonist rampage, or the other-worldly revenge of the 17,000 chickens and turkeys that I ate (respectively).
So I spent all of new year's eve day lying on my back in a valium-fog, while Yehia gave me worried looks. I ate curry, started ranting more than usual after one beer, and then my husband sent me to bed. I am so getting old.
*I am, after all, getting on - almost 26!**
**My gift list will be posted shortly.
Filed under Stuff
We have chairs to stand on! Volume II, et al
10:10 AM, Thursday, 20 December, 2007
Last night The Cat was hissing through the window* at the neighbour's cat as it crept through the monsteria and caught ANOTHER MOUSE!!! Yehia got a little bit upset and wanted to rescue the mouse, and I was forced to give him A Look.
I have been practicing Giving Looks lately, because I am officially becoming a grinch, as I feel that festivity is overrated. For the last few days we have had Salvation Army fundraisers in the square outside our office, playing Christmas Carols on their trumpets and their trombones for several hours at a time, and my ears are bleeding. There are also lots of tourists blocking the streets, whose ankles I am very close to stamping down upon.
Although I don't have any neices or nephews (inclusive), I have decided that the only way to get through the festive season (it's also Eid at the moment, people, and well-wishes must be made!) is to act the part of "crazy mad old auntie" by drinking copious amounts of Pimms, waving my umberella at people and wearing inappropriate purple.
I'm off to buy a blue rinse.
*What's with cats and hissing? What exactly is it meant to do? It's not particularly scary or intimidating unless they have arse breath, which our cat now doesn't have since having its teeth removed.
Filed under Stuff