Pink Ukulele: So they said... Archives

A Carolyn by any other name...

Apparently I'm insecure, conservative and stupid.

Now I may call myself these things at various times but this would normally be because I do things like get a tattoo I can't see without a mirror, apply for jobs just for the sake of it and end up getting (and taking) them, and invite David Bowie to my wedding. Not for something as boring as changing my name when I get married. Wow.

Filed under So they said...

Talking Dirty for an IT Man

"Can you scroll down the bed a bit?"

Filed under So they said...

Born Free

My sister is setting her puppies free to roam at our wedding.

I, though less well-endowed, am choosing not to do this.

I'm currently in the process of buying something to wear under The Outfit, which is proving a mite difficult. There seems to be a dearth of delicious lingerie that is of the right cut in Melbourne at the moment. I refuse to wear those awful stick-on things - All I need is something strapless with a slightly lower back! Anyone got any ideas of where I can go QUICKLY, considering that this time next month I'LL BE DRESSED IN IT AND ABOUT TO GET MARRIED????

Filed under EEEEeeekk!!!, Heeheehee..., So they said...

I'm a bad bride...

I was feeling girly yesterday, so I bought a wedding magazine*. There was a wee little book inside it, the "Wedding Planning Workbook". It's got a timeline approaching the Big Day, with all the things that we should have already done.

Apparently at this stage, with 72 sleeps before we get hitched I should already have:

Ordered flowers.
Bought wedding rings.
Had makeup and hair trials.
Ordered Cake.
Booked photographer.
Booked music.
Booked celebrant.
Planned dream honeymoon.
Handmade unique and individual bonbonnieres.
Lost 29.8 kilos.
Had facelift.
Toned arse.
Had boob enhancement.
Had laser surgery.
Removed all hair below eyebrows with laser.
Timetabled event to the millisecond.
Organised contingency plan.
Coordinated "MotherOfBride" and "MotherOfGroom" outfits, preferably to match the flowers.
Edited all speeches.

Hmmm. So far we have booked the venue, told a few people, ordered the invitations, bought 46.3 meters of fabric for The Outfit.

Shit.

*I have now put away the wedding magazine, and I'm pretending that none of this ever happened.

Filed under EEEEeeekk!!!, Exciting Acquisitions, Let's Get Married!, So they said...

Melbourne Conversations

So how was your holiday, Carolyn?

Well actually, I was working. It was great!

Where were you again?

Papua New Guinea.

So how were the Africans?

Um... there weren't that many Africans in PNG...

You know what I mean, the people that live there!

Oh, I see. I think you mean the Papua New Guineans. They were great. Yeah.

Filed under So they said...

Some More Interesting Things

- Perhaps I had Dengue Fever! I told you there were lots of mosquitoes!

- Yehia just made me sign my name lots of times. Whilst he told me that it was for a "joint account", I have suspicions that he may be about to sell my kidneys to pay for the wedding.

- The Terror that Purrs in the Night (aka Spinach the cat) did not forget me while I was in Papua New Guinea, and has switched alliances from being Yehia's sidekick back to being leader of my evil minion(s). Perhaps this has motivated the sale of my kidneys.

- I have been eating lots of delicious things.

- Melbourne is very cold. I realised this when my coconut oil solidified. Also when I couldn't stop shivering. Constantly.

- There is lots of stuff here.

- The stuff is somewhat overwhelming.

- The food is somewhat delicious.

- Hooray!*

*with bits of sad, because I miss Papua New Guinea.

Filed under Crapola, EEEEeeekk!!!, Heeheehee..., Let's Get Married!, So they said..., Super Dooper

(4)

Propositions

When I'm not being horrified by ghastly racist expats, I'm talking about sex. To young people, at a university, all the time. For example:

- Student walks into Carolyn's office -

"I'm interested in sex."

"Ok."

"I'm interested in all sorts of sex."

"Great. Use a condom."

"I just want to know: what is anal sex?"

- Carolyn explains -

"Oooh... I like that idea."

"That's fine, just use a condom."

"So you can do it with a man and a meri?"

"Man, meri, either one. Just use a condom."

"I like that idea!"

"Great. Just use a condom, and plenty of lubricant."

"So... How do you find someone to have sex with?"

"Well, it all depends on lots of things, really."

"Do... you like having anal sex?"

"That's not something I talk about with students."

"Oh. Well, if you want to, let me know. Bye!"

- Student leaves Carolyn's office -

Filed under So they said...

We're Independent and we're Free, Papua New Guinea

On Saturday night I went out for dinner. Unfortunately I was late and had to sit near some people I don’t know so well, while my friends were up at the other end of the table. Despite not particularly liking these people, I determined not to be precocious this time, but to be as polite and as amiable as possible.

It was a disaster.

First of all they were boring and old and had absolutely nothing in common with me - conversation revolved around the last time they were in Australia and what they bought, and what they were planning on buying next time they went down. But things really started going downhill when somebody mentioned, “Have you ever noticed how bad the money smells in Papua New Guinea?”

My mouth literally hung open as the six people surrounding me started discussing how on pay day Papua New Guineans (who of course don’t have wallets) stick their money in their buttcracks to take it home.

That’s right – these people were having a conversation about how Papua New Guineans stick their money in their buttcracks to take it home. Laughing and smiling at these silly people, and why their money is smelly. Because, you see, Papua New Guineans stick their money in their buttcracks to take it home.

I was dumbfounded for about sixty seconds, until I started arguing with them. “That’s simply absurd”, I said; “I just don’t believe it” and “Don’t be ridiculous”. “Have you ever seen anyone actually do that?” I asked, and I told them “I’m afraid that this is just too preposterous”. To which they replied “Oh Carolyn, you’ve only been here for a year, you don’t really know Papua New Guineans”.

This coming from people who have lived here for most, if not a good part of, their lives. Well-educated people, in their twenties and thirties. People working for high-powered law firms, aid agencies and businesses. People whose only association with Papua New Guineans is with their Haus Meri, or their waiter, or their colleague (of whom they ask “So how did you actually get this job?”, as if a Papua New Guinean wouldn’t/couldn’t have a qualification, let alone work experience).

I was simply horrified, and I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to throw my shoe at them, to scream at them, to shame them. I wanted to tell them that if they can’t respect the citizens they should get the hell out of this country. Instead I tried to reason and speak with them. All of the protestations and arguments I made were literally laughed at, and I rapidly got to the point where I simply couldn’t engage with these people any more. I was so angry. I felt myself curl up as I refused to make eye contact, and answered everything with monosyllables. I backed away from all conversations and sat there in my shocked silence, while they just presumed I was being a wet blanket. Because of course Papua New Guineans carry their money around in their buttcracks, why wouldn’t you believe this?

As if I’d want to be any kind of blanket around these people. I felt so ashamed to be associated with them – ashamed to be sitting with them, to be holding the same passport as them, to be in any way identifiable as one of “them”. They continued on with their conversation, just presuming that because of my skin colour I’d be in agreement with them. Deeply shamed and offended, I left the restaurant as soon as I could, but I still haven’t been able to leave behind the feelings of revulsion and disgust.

Filed under Crapola, So they said...

(26)

So THAT'S how you educate a nation!

I, along with most of the population of Papua New Guinea, have a love for SP beer. At the moment I'm feeling a little compromised, though, due to their current competition:

That's right, K250,000 worth of school fees to be won if you just drink more beer. UNICEF and AusAID with their hifalutin ideas of free primary education have a lot to learn from SP, as this is surely the way to increase the current 57% adult literacy rate and educate the next generation.

I think I need to stick with vodka.

Filed under Crapola, EEEEeeekk!!!, So they said...

New People arrive in Port Moresby, and Carolyn doesn't make a good impression...

New People often come to Port Moresby to do work, and stuff. Sometimes I am introduced to them. Sometimes I shouldn't be. Sunday night, I shouldn't have been:

"So Carolyn, how do you like Port Moresby?"

"I like it. The cucumbers are great."

"Ok... So, what are some of the challenges living here?"

"Well, the men stink. They'd hit on a pole if it had boobs."

"Right... Surely that's a gross generalisation regarding PNG men?"

"Oh, I'm not talking about PNG men. Just most men in Port Moresby. Except my friends, who are lovely. Not them, the other men."

"Hmm. So what do you do on the weekends? Do you go to the Yacht Club? I heard it's fun there!"

"The Yacht Club is full of expat twats, I'd never be caught dead there."

"You do realise you're an expat, don't you?"

"Yeah, but I'm not a twat." (looks suspiciously at New Person) "Twats like going to the Yacht Club and playing with their boats."

"Oh. I like boats."

"Well, I don't. So don't go there."

(shifts chair away a bit) "So what do you do on the weekends then?"

"Secondhandclothesshopping is great! I eat cucumbers a lot. Sometimes I lie on the couch and get bitten by mosquitoes. Sometimes I lie by the pool and get bitten by mosquitoes. Sometimes I sit on the balcony and get bitten by mosquitoes. Often I will involve alcohol in these pursuits. And cucumbers."

(looks desparately at person who introduced us) "Ok..."

"I eat at least one cucumber a day."

"I think I need to go home now... Nice to meet you..."

"Bye! Don't forget to eat some cucumbers!"

Filed under So they said...

I'm not hungover, I'm really sick!

Birthday Shenanigans went very well, and the Birthday Gods looked after me and saved me from a hangover, which is more than I can say for some other people who attended the fun and games, and who even started later than me and even went home earlier than me. So there. I told you I'm still young.

But those Birthday Gods didn't save me from sore-throat-snotty-nose-slight-fever-achy-body-badness. I was laughed at a little bit on the weekend when I said I was sick, and people said "No silly, you're just hungover, that's what happens when you turn 25!" but I TOLD YOU SO I'M SICK!!!! Look at the snot! Hear my voice! Feel my slightly feverish forehead! Sick I am!!!!

I can't go home and lie on the couch, because soon our New Haus Meri will be there to do cleaning, and I don't want to be cleaned. Bleach just dries my skin out. I just want to wallow. So here at work I will sit, with a pathetic look on my face and a box of tissues by my side, pretending to Do Important Things.

In other more amusing and less gross news, did you know that Elvis Presley and Tom Jones are actually Papua New Guinean? So are the King and the Queen (I don't know of which country - does it really matter?). They're all on the electoral roll in the Highlands, and I'm really glad to see well-known celebrities enrolling in time for this year's elections. I just hope they turn up to vote.

Filed under Crapola, So they said...

What to do when there’s an alleged paedophile in your country*

The 12-step guide for getting rid of those naughty men whom troublesome neighbours want to extradite*:

1. Pretend he’s not there;
2. Fly him out on a broken air force plane;
3. Pretend you didn’t do it;
4. Get insulted when neighbour says “Oi, don’t do that!”;
5. Get uppity;
6. Create defence-force enquiry;
7. Feel self-righteous;
8. Get cranky when enquiry suggests you did it;
9. Force defence minister to disband enquiry;
10. Fire defence minister for saying you forced him to disband it;
11. Hold a golf tournament;
12. Pretend nothing happened.

*according to the GCSMS

Filed under Crapola, Heeheehee..., So they said...

This Weekend...

... I won a pair of SP thongs which are now (almost) my most prized possession. They make footprints of the SP logo when I walk in them. I haven't walked in them yet, though, because I don't want goobies blocking up my SP logo.

... I admitted that I have a crush on Justin Timberlake, and a crush on Sharzy. Then I did lots of dancing to them both.

... I realised, through a rant that lovely1 and lovely2 patiently listened to, that when you let someone in and you can only skirt around them that you'll only get hurt. Coz just knowing that they like tofu and not soy milk isn't enough.

... Some Hagen boys got me drunk and laughed at me coz I was talking too much.

... I had a minor freak-out because I have only less than four weeks left in Papua New Guinea.

... I pretended that it didn't hurt when the little piece of self-esteem-worth-ego-happiness-whatever fell onto the floor, and I've been kicking it around ever since. Sometimes I stomp on it, because self-flagellation is almost as good as a hangover. I'm getting over it now.

... A wonderful lady brought me two delicious bunches of sugarfruit all the way from Goroka, which made my day. Thankyou very much, wonderful lady.

Filed under Adventures in Deliciousness, Crapola, Exciting Acquisitions, Heeheehee..., So they said...

(8)

Port Moresby Conversations

Last night the sky was an angry angry sky. It was so angry that it was throwing water all over Port Moresby, with thunderbolts and lightning (very very frightening me) so big and loud and angry that our whole balcony was shaking. Shaking. I was standing on it, glass of wine in hand, discussing with the sky it's problems. Suffice to say it has many - it's full of holes and such, and soon there won't be anything left of it, what with all this global warming and stuff happening. Poor bugger.

Before all that happened I was in the wine store when a very senior (as in important and powerful, not as in old) staff member of the university came up to me:

"Hello Carolyn, it's lovely to see you."

"Hello."

"I'm looking for a beautiful bottle of red wine to share with people who care to come and visit me in my office."

"Well, you're looking at white wine right now. Red is over there."

"Thankyou my dear. See you soon."

This morning we had to do away with our Haus Meri (cleaning lady) because she was stealing our monies. We didn't "do away with" her in a mafia kind of way, we just told her that her services are no longer needed. Our previous Haus Meri had been offered a better job and abandoned us, but she recommended her sister as a good replacement, who promptly began stealing monies little by little from around the house. She left this morning with quiet resignation. We called her sister to let her know, whose response was:

"Oh yes, she's not as honest as me. I know that. She lives in Gerehu, and she doesn't come to my house."

After this revelation I came to work, and sat down to do some of that said work. A man stood outside my office window, staring at me.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, I want to speak to that man over there." (pointing through my office to a man on the other side of the hallway)

"Well why don't you go to his office window and talk to him there?"

"No, it's alright, I'll talk to him here."

"I'd rather you didn't, because I'm trying to do my work."

"Oh. I see. We won't be long, I just need to talk to him for a minute."

"I'd really rather you didn't..."

"Oh, ok then. Continue."

Filed under Adventures in Deliciousness, Crapola, EEEEeeekk!!!, Heeheehee..., So they said..., Waiting

(4)

A bit late...

A few days ago I received a bilum, and this note:

Filed under EEEEeeekk!!!, Exciting Acquisitions, Heeheehee..., So they said...

I'm Dreadfully Sorry

I'm dreadfully sorry about my outburst (still don't like you though, freak).

Here's a lovely happy story to make happy la la la let's pretend Carolyn isn't an angry angry lady:

Once upon a time there was a lovely fluffy bunny called Babbit. Babbit liked eating flowers and clover and playing with his friend, the lovely pretty sparrow Sporrit. Sporrit and Babbit played and laughed and danced for ever and ever and loved each other dearly. They never came across any nasty dreadful stinky freaks, and whenever anyone was unkind they drowned them in a vat of boiling chocolate, because chocolate is funny and everyone likes it. And then everybody would dance and play and laugh and be lovely lovely friends with happy la la tra la la happy endings.

The End.

Filed under Miscellany, So they said...

Quotables...

Yehia: Sometimes I have mental lapses where everything is clear.

Carolyn: Do you call clarity a mental lapse???

Yehia: The sooner you accept it the easier it will be on you.

Filed under Heeheehee..., So they said...

I will not have sex with You.

I am not here to excite, entice, amuse or seduce you*.

No. No. I'm married. No. I'm sorry, no. I'm not interested. No. Bugger off. No. No. No. NO.

I'm sick of being polite.

The next one of you who tells me you love me, or comments on my breasts, or stares at me, or suggests that I "go with you" will cop a great big FUCK OFF.

I resent the fact that because of you I am now sounding like a precious princess, complaining about all the attention. I'm not dressing provocatively, not that this would excuse your behaviour. I'm not inviting you. Sure I'm talking about sex all the time, but I don't want to do it with you. No, I don't. Not. At. All.

I'm not flattered, or amused, or interested. You insult me by presuming anything other than this the first let alone the second, third and fourth time you hit on me. Stop it now.

*you: those despicable, defective, disgusting males who find amusement in making suggestive advances, gestures, comments and questions at me. The above suggestions of "you" will NEVER be reciprocated: they are crass, derogatory, undignified and unwelcome.

Filed under So they said...

Letter to Feiz Muhammad

Dear Feiz,

How are things? Port Moresby is pretty nice at the moment, lovely weather, all that. Work is a bit crappy right now, but I've only got two more months to go so I'll just hang in there.

So what's the go with all of this hate-mongering? I know you don't really like Jewish people, although I can't understand why. I know that John Howard and his posse don't make it easy to be "different" in Australia. But getting cranky about it and blaming other people just won't get you anywhere.

My fiance is Muslim. He doesn't hate anyone, except maybe Ivan Draggo (and that's only because he killed Apollo Creed, and Ivan doesn't really count coz he's made up). He actually loves everyone, even though he was shot in the war and almost blown up. None of his family hates anyone, either - they're a very loving bunch of people. So I know it's not because you're Muslim that you hate people and cause so much trouble. Did someone shoot you and then almost blow you up when you were a child? Is that why you're so angry? Maybe you should talk to Yehia, he managed to get over it.

Maybe you just need a hug.

Anyway, I just wanted to write to you to let you know that you're making my fiance's life a bit difficult. You see, when you are a leader and say nasty things about people, everyone else thinks that you're speaking on behalf of the people that you're supposed to be leading. You're not speaking on behalf of Yehia and his family, and they certainly don't want to be led by you. You're not speaking on behalf of any of the Muslims that I know. You're actually making them a bit cranky, and quite ashamed of you.

So please stop saying nasty things about people.

If you start saying nice things about people, then people will actually like you. They'll realise that you're just a sad and lonely little man with no friends, and maybe they'll invite you out to play. And then you'll laugh and have fun, and realise that although the world is a bit screwed up it's not such a bad place. And then you'll have lots of friends, and you won't have to bully anybody any more. I know it's hard when John Howard says unkind stuff about the things you believe in, and you just want to retaliate. But you can be the bigger man and just let it slide - you don't have to have him for a friend. He says unkind stuff about the things I believe in too, but I know that he's a sad little man with no friends, just like you. So I don't let it worry me too much. You don't need to let it worry you, either. That's what life is all about.

It's just a suggestion.

Anyway, I have to go now. I have coffee to drink and friends to play with. That's the kind of thing that happens when you're nice to people. Take care, and stop being nasty to people, please.

Hugs,

Carolyn

Filed under So they said...

Interesting Things

1. Yehia left 2 sleeps ago. Boo-hoo.

2. I Believe that crabs can grow another claw back when they lose their claw. They really can. Yes they can!

3. I'm Not Scared of rats.

4. Tequila is evil.

5. Mushrooms are Just Delicious.

6. I carried a watermelon.

7. Corrupting 7-year-olds is Quite Amusing.

8. Green is Lovely.

9. Overenthusiastic Missionaries are Annoying.

10. I am leaving in 3 months. Eeekk!!!

Filed under So they said...

Just look at it!

I'm not being preachy so I won't say anything other than thanks to the lady who sent me this and thought to actually copy and paste the whole article into the email coz I can't open websites at the university. To everyone else, read it and think. (In a non-preachy way)

More amusing(?) news from PNG, from today's edition of The National:

Angry MP causes damage at airport - By CLIFFORD FAIPARIK. A MEMBER of Parliament caused a drama at the domestic terminal of the Jackson Airport in Port Moresby yesterday, when he smashed the conveyor belt of the baggage carousel. The MP was apparently angry that his cargo, a bag of crabs, had not been delivered to him fast enough. Civil Aviation security officers said after waiting impatiently, the MP slammed the controlling unit of the electronically controlled conveyor belt, causing it to malfunction. Officials say this damage would cost them thousands of kina to fix. The MP could also run foul of Civil Aviation laws because he walked out of the terminal and back onto the tarmac to search for his plastic bag of crabs. Eyewitnesses said he then swore at the baggage handlers for causing him delay and inconvenience. These incidents happened in full view of his fellow passengers and airport staff. The conveyor controlling unit is now damaged and baggage handlers will manually retrieve cargoes to hand over to the travelling public as of today. This manual operation will caused havoc for the baggage handlers and the passengers, and Civil Aviation Authority and airline officials were not at all impressed. It would also take some months before spare parts could be flown in from overseas to repair the controlling unit, an official said. CAA security officers told The National that the MP had arrived on an Airlines PNG flight from his province at 1.30pm. But because his bag of crabs had no cargo tag, baggage handlers did not allowed it to be put on the conveyor belt with the rest of the other passengers’ baggages for security reasons, they said.

Filed under EEEEeeekk!!!, So they said...

How (not) to pick up in Port Moresby

One is subject to many interesting pick-up lines as a pink ukulele playing volunteer in Port Moresby. Here are some of the gems:

"I'm 23. You're 24. Will you be my friend... my special friend?"

"I'm very interested in using condoms. With you."

"I will take you to Chimbu."

"Wanna see my village?"

"Hey baby, nice specs! How do you feel about a bit of black dick inside you?"

"Oooh yeah!"

"May I bring you a bilum?"

"Don't you want to go out on a boat today?"

"Ooh you're so pretty... Pretty in that meri blouse... Oooh..."

"You talk about sex, right? So... you know how to do it?"

Suffice to say that none of the gentlemen(?) using the above lines have got lucky wtih me. Surprised?

Filed under EEEEeeekk!!!, Heeheehee..., So they said...

I just thought I'd let you know I was Right.

I don't know why all of these people didn't believe me. I didn't pretend to have the answer, but I knew that the answer they were believing was Wrong.

The most widely spoken language in the world is officially not Urdu.

I Was Right.

If you don't believe me look here. I don't care that the number 1 doesn't really make sense (can you really mix Cantonese and Mandarin and just say Chinese???), the point is that it's not Urdu. Urdu is the 20th most spoken language in the world. Not the first. Or the second, so you can't make random disqualifications (unless you 'conveniently' make 19) and say that it's really Urdu. Coz it's not.

I just thought I'd let you know.

In other news, my jeans are missing. They were hanging on the clothesline, on the balcony. Admittedly our balcony is very high up - on the third floor of a building very high up on the hill. But that's no excuse. They were hanging on the clothesline and now they're gone. Admittedly our balcony is subject to gale-force winds from across the sea at times. But that's no excuse. My jeans seem to have flown off the balcony away to the fairies. Or maybe to somebody else's legs. I'm not really sure which. Either way I'm Most Upset. I liked those jeans. My Favourite Jeans (particularly now that they're lost). Today I am wearing Totally Unsuitable jeans. I think that I might have to go secondhand shopping to find another equally excellent pair, if it's at all possible. That'll learn me for washing my clothes.

What was that? Oh yeah, I was Right. That still doesn't bring my jeans back, though.

Filed under Crapola, So they said...

Forgot This Too

Ok I forgot to mention this too.

I'm halfway through PNG today.

Well, kind of. Not literally, in a way. But really, I am. Halfway as in halfway through my 12-month assignment. As in 6 months today. Halfway. Through. My. Stay. In. PNG.

EEEEEEEEEEeeeeEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!

So many more things to do! So many more animals to poke! So many more people to play with! So many more crazy things to eat! So many more things to be scared of! So many more t-shirts to see!

Did I mention eek?

EeeeeeEEEEEeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Filed under Adventures in Deliciousness, Crapola, EEEEeeekk!!!, Exciting Acquisitions, Heeheehee..., Miscellany, So they said..., Super Dooper, T-Shirt Of The Day, WOW, Waiting

Can someone please join me in horror????

In today's Post Courier newspaper:

Tari HIV/AIDS rate cause for concern, says Sir Peter A PAPUA New Guinea town has a HIV prevalence rate of 40 per cent which is higher than the national figure of 2 per cent being circulated, says Health Minister Sir Peter Barter. Sir Peter was speaking in Port Moresby yesterday at the launch of a new umbrella organisation for civil society groups involved in the fight against HIV/AIDS. He said during a recent visit to a number of Highlands provinces, he had found the HIV prevalence rate among 15 - 29 year-olds in Tari in Southern Highlands Province was 40 per cent. “I had tears in my eyes when I addressed students at St Joseph’s High School,’’ he said. “I’ve realised we have lost a generation to HIV and AIDS.’’ At Paiam Porgera Health Centre, the figure of reported cases was 12.5 per cent; Laiagam Health Centre was closed; Wabag Hospital pathology section reported 12.5 per cent and Goroka Hospital had 15 per cent or 300 people. “We have been told of the one to two per cent of the national prevalence rate, but the figure I have learned in the Highlands shows the situation is far worse than I had thought,’’ he said. Statistics given by the National AIDS Council in its quarterly report do not give a true picture of the HIV situation in the country due to numerous reasons, including poor health services and non availability of testing sites in many parts of the country. Sir Peter said the Government was doing all to help combat the spread of the virus, and urged that the private sector also become active in the fight. “The reality is that until we have tested 50,000 people a year, we will not know how big the (HIV) problem is,’’ he said.

Filed under EEEEeeekk!!!, So they said...

In the news today...

In The National newspaper (not my favourite) today...

Shocking signs of AIDS in SHP, Enga
By JEFFREY ELAPA
ONE third of high school children could die of HIV/AIDS in the Southern Highlands and Enga provinces.
Sir Peter told a health symposium in Madang yesterday that the only cure available is to get awareness programmes on prevention into the high-risk and rural areas.
He also highlighted at the symposium that clinical figures made available to him during his tour of health facilities in Southern Highlands and Enga provinces indicated that more than 30% of young people between the ages of 15 and 29 could be living with HIV.
“This made it hard to imagine that almost every third person in that age group was HIV positive; or worse, a third of high school students could die of AIDS,” Sir Peter said.
At the Porgera mine, the minister learnt that 70 of 700 workers tested were HIV positive, which represented 10% of the total workforce.
“The Government has taken ownership of the epidemic, and I am committed to driving the awareness, improving the lives of those affected and working in total partnership with the churches, NGOs and the heart of our medical system, the provincial and rural hospitals, to tackle this issue,” he said.
Sir Peter also acknowledged the support provided over the years by AusAID, NZAid, European Union, Japan, World Health Organisation, UNAids, China and others in fighting the epidemic.
He told the symposium that the Government had allocated a further K5 million for HIV/AIDS in the supplementary budget. The money would be shared among the churches, medical council and NGOs.

Filed under EEEEeeekk!!!, So they said...

Evil v Good

Some people make me cranky. They have to be quite horrible, boorish, sadistic, rambling, deranged and widely read for me to pay enough attention or expend enough energy to get cranky with them. But I sometimes do.

But then, some people make me happy. Especially when they bug the ones that make me cranky. Heehee!

note: I really don't read that newspaper of evilness and lies, but that doesn't mean I can get away from the freak, even in PNG!!!

Filed under So they said...

Procrastination

The scene: Carolyn is working at the (insert funding body's name here) office, as the university has been deemed unsafe again due to stalkers and the general uselessness of the guards (don't worry there wasn't an incident, it was a bureaucratic decision). Yehia is home sick. Both are on Skype.

Carolyn: How's Oprah?

Yehia: Crap as usual. What are you working on right now?

Carolyn: Learning how to use EpiInfo again so I can analyse clinic data. You?

Yehia: Watching a movie with Scott Baio.

Carolyn: Who's Scott Baio? Should I know that?

Yehia: Charles in Charge!

Carolyn: Super Dooper!

Yehia: He's getting old... he doesn't look so in charge any more...

Carolyn: (singing along) Charles in charge of our wrongs and our rights, Charles in charge of our days and our nights!

Yehia: heeheehee!

Carolyn: Eeeexcellent.

Carolyn: So hang on, who's Scott Bacula?

Yehia: The guy from enterprise, Captain. And from Quantum Leap.

Carolyn: Ok, gutpela. I get it now.

Filed under So they said...

That's PNG!!!

Rarely do we find a gem as good as this. In the Viewpoint section of today's Post Courier, the (more ethical) national newspaper of Papua New Guinea:

Why arrest naked man?
ON August 15, a naked man was arrested by Misima police. The man is from Sudest Island. He has been running around naked for 30 years. Why didn’t they arrest him earlier? Was he arrested because he was suspected of murder or because of his nudity? If he was arrested for allegedly murdering another man, would prison be an appropriate place to have him running around naked in? Why should he be arrested for being naked for 30 years if he is very much at home with his body, unless he had behaved inappropriately? Inspector Libai, how do you know this man is not mentally retarded? I suppose this naked man has something to say. He is just one among the many. — J ToRavit QLD

Filed under Heeheehee..., So they said...

Stupidos

What's the go with the goddamn expats in this country (says the goddamn expat)?

Some are super-dooper and wonderful, I'm not ranting about them...

...But there are some that are a particularly obnoxious bunch of mercenary a-holes and they all seem to be sitting near me at this particular hotel where I'm using the wireless internet and they're being particularly obnoxious, racist, bigotted, crappy, rude, arrogant, stupid, rich and white.

I was warned that there would be particularly horrible expats in Papua New Guinea, but who would've thought they'd be this STUPID????

note: yes I do realise the irony when I'm in the same hotel as them using the wireless internet, etc. That's not the point.

Filed under So they said...

Dry Season

Apparently Port Moresby is a very dry city. It has been described to me several times as a 'dust bowl' with the dry season lasting most of the year, April-November. During this time one never sees a drop of rain.

Except, apparently, for this dry season. Ever since I arrived, four weeks ago, there has been a TORRENTIAL downpour at least once a week. Last night was a prime example, with thunderbolts and lightning (very very frightening me) and wind and rain just pelting down. It makes me very glad that Port Moresby doesn't get cyclones.

So, it's still a really beautiful city at the moment. The frangipanis and bougainvilleas are flowering like crazy, and we have some beautiful gardenias in our front garden that smell amazing the morning after rain. We also have a giant mango tree which is covered in mangoes, but they are too high to reach - it looks pretty nonetheless.

When this unseasonably wet weather stops, we look forward to all of the hills around Port Moresby being burned to a crisp and taking on the appearance of sand dunes. At this point apparently it's fashion suicide to wear white, because the dust is everywhere and things get a brown tinge to them. Dry tropics. So I'm making the most of the wet, and taking lots of photos which will be posted here as soon as they wire up my office!

Filed under So they said...