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Wedding Dress Idea #4910: Queen of the Nile
9:01 AM, Thursday, 22 February, 2007
I'm getting married this year, and I'm going to make my dress...
Queen of the Nile
"Dazzling!" they will scream, as the stunning bride is carried to the venue on a solid gold litter by 10 semi-naked slaves. As the bride reclines majestically on the countless velvet cushions, more slaves feed her delicate morsels and fan her gently with bejewelled palm leaves. When she alights the full glory of her stunning ensemble will be revealed: a hand-woven pure white linen off-the-shoulder gown embroidered with fine gold detail of rivers, pyramids, hieroglyphs and whatnot. A heavy gold sash encircles her delicate waist, as she walks like an Egyptian to her throne.
Surpassed in delicacy and divine beauty only by the bride's natural attributes is her jewellery. Gold, gold, gold, and more gold adorn this most glorious of women. A solid gold snake encircles her right bicep, and bangles weigh down her wrists. Her gold tiara frames her face, adorned with jewels and divine motifs. Huge priceless pearls hang from gold chain earrings, ready to be dropped into cups of vinegar if necessary. A bejewelled gold cuff sits elegantly around her neck, reflecting her delicious milky complexion. The only makeup needed is the inevitable kohl on her eyes, and her lustrous skin glows magnificently in the torchlight.
Constantly attended by slaves throughout the wedding, this bride just exudes royal elegance. Her endlessly devoted minions will be there at all times to test poisons, fan and feed her, build edifices and carry her around the venue. Of course the besotted groom will be desparate to show his love and affection, and must be reminded NOT to leave the ceremony in order to wage war and fight battles in honour of her beauty and virtue. Many will live and die for just a glimpse of the supreme beauty of this incomparable bride. Please note that live snakes, and baskets of figs, will not be permitted at this wedding under any circumstances.
"…the most complete woman ever to have existed, the most womanly woman and the most queenly queen, a person to be wondered at, to whom the poets have been able to add nothing, and whom dreamers always find at the end of their dreams." Théophile Gauthier, One of Cleopatra’s Nights (1845)
Filed under Let's Get Married!
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Comments
you make me giggle.
i am all for more whatnot in the world.
whatnotwhatnotwhatnot - just one of those words you want to say over and over until it loses it's meaning.
whatnot!
Posted by: kk | February 22, 2007 3:44 PM
Do you know, I had whatnot embroidered in fine gold detail on my wedding dress too! What impeccable taste you have, my dear!
And as for divine motifs - I couldn't get enough of 'em. I had them dangling everywhere.
Gauthier's got his snakes and adders a bit tangled up though. A new coin suggests Cleopatra was actually a bit of a boiler.
I still like the motif though. Would you do the rolling out from the rug bit?
Posted by: Problemchildbride | February 23, 2007 7:34 PM
Now this one, this one I like. Except for the snake business. Now what I want to know is this : will you be spending all the night before soaking in baths of luke-warm milk for your perfect skin or will you be on your hands and knees, cutting and sewing and stitching the fine gold detail of rivers, pyramids, hieroglyphs and whatnot? Again?
And who are these ten slaves carrying your solid gold litter? Will you be making them undertake a serious fitness regime beforehand?
OH and don't forget you could always chain Ya to your throne if you don't want him running off waging wars and the like.
Posted by: Katia | February 23, 2007 11:49 PM
We do it all, people, we do it all. Every last bit (except for the adder bit). And yes, perhaps Yehia will be chained to the throne. We don't want them running off, now, do we?
Posted by: Carolyn | February 26, 2007 8:25 AM
I'm sure with the current price of gold and resources we can outsource a number of the wedding arrangments...I can personally attend to chaining Yehia!
Posted by: Masalai | February 27, 2007 1:23 PM
That's it: Masalai is the official "master of chains". And of course we'll be using only the best PNG resources, at only the best prices. Because I'm worth it.
Posted by: Carolyn | February 27, 2007 3:43 PM