The Most Beautiful Shoes In The World
Filed under Exciting Acquisitions, Super Dooper, WOW
Come, come!
The invitations have arrived! Gold and Brown and Looooovely. OooooooOOOooooooohhhhh!!!
Now to decide who gets them...
Filed under Exciting Acquisitions, Let's Get Married!, Super Dooper
Those Girly Things Taste Good!
Continuing in the girly theme wherein I buy wedding magazines, walking through the chemist I come across lip gloss.
I have seen this stuff before and passed it off as boring and stupid and girly. Until I discover coconut lip gloss. Yummo! So I buy it and put it on and it's delicious. I am converted. I am officially turning into a girl. A coconut flavoured girl, no less.
What's the stuff meant to do, anyway? How is it any different to lip balm? I put it on and my lips and shiny, but not much more than with lip balm. What's the go?
Filed under Adventures in Deliciousness, Exciting Acquisitions
I'm a bad bride...
I was feeling girly yesterday, so I bought a wedding magazine*. There was a wee little book inside it, the "Wedding Planning Workbook". It's got a timeline approaching the Big Day, with all the things that we should have already done.
Apparently at this stage, with 72 sleeps before we get hitched I should already have:
Ordered flowers.
Bought wedding rings.
Had makeup and hair trials.
Ordered Cake.
Booked photographer.
Booked music.
Booked celebrant.
Planned dream honeymoon.
Handmade unique and individual bonbonnieres.
Lost 29.8 kilos.
Had facelift.
Toned arse.
Had boob enhancement.
Had laser surgery.
Removed all hair below eyebrows with laser.
Timetabled event to the millisecond.
Organised contingency plan.
Coordinated "MotherOfBride" and "MotherOfGroom" outfits, preferably to match the flowers.
Edited all speeches.
Hmmm. So far we have booked the venue, told a few people, ordered the invitations, bought 46.3 meters of fabric for The Outfit.
Shit.
*I have now put away the wedding magazine, and I'm pretending that none of this ever happened.
Filed under EEEEeeekk!!!, Exciting Acquisitions, Let's Get Married!, So they said...
Passionate Stance #88809553327134467
Like the bizarre lovechild of Chuck Norris and Paris Hilton, my wardrobe has been roundhouse kicking it's drunken way out of the cupboard and all over our apartment. It tries to make excuses for itself, saying "you need me!", "you love me!", "I'm so cute!" and "When you're in Texas look behind you" - but I have Had Enough. Considering that our apartment is the size of a thumbnail, room for two people and a cat is precious and thushenceforthwith I did a cull this morning of Unnecessary Items, sending them off to charity.
Following this and the subsequent freak-out I had at my evil consumerist beastly materialism, I am Making A Stand. From now on I am only going to either make my own clothes, or buy them secondhand. No more impulsive buying of random skirts, pants and blouses (unless they're secondhand). I am Officially Declaring, as of now, The End*.
*Small print:
Declaration valid for the next three months, just in case it's too hard.
Due to hygeine/practicality, the following items are exempt from this Declaration: underwears, bras, socks.
Shoes are not included as clothing.
Filed under Exciting Acquisitions, Stuff
The Eternal Dilemma
For a year I was a volunteer. This wasn't as glamorous as it sounds - I was working like a normal working person, but only earning an allowance. A good allowance, but an allowance nonetheless. Which just doesn't sound as fun, or as adult.
Upon my arrival in Melbourne, the lovely Yehia took it upon himself to provide SugarDaddy services. Whist this was good, it meant that I didn't have access to funds for important things, on a whim. Eventually I found myself saying,
"I need lovely shoes, henceforthwith I must work in order to have money, in order to buy said shoes."
Following this startling philosophical insight, I sat for a moment. Then I called my Old Work and said "You want me back?" They peered at me cautiously and replied, "Why, certainly."
And so it began (again). I am now working 2 days every week so that I don't tire myself out too much, and so that I have time to make a different outfit for every hour of the wedding. I am working for my Old Work, which has once again become my Work. Working with Angry Teenagers. Guess what I'm doing?
Why, what I always do. Talking about sex.
Filed under EEEEeeekk!!!, Exciting Acquisitions
This Weekend...
... I won a pair of SP thongs which are now (almost) my most prized possession. They make footprints of the SP logo when I walk in them. I haven't walked in them yet, though, because I don't want goobies blocking up my SP logo.
... I admitted that I have a crush on Justin Timberlake, and a crush on Sharzy. Then I did lots of dancing to them both.
... I realised, through a rant that lovely1 and lovely2 patiently listened to, that when you let someone in and you can only skirt around them that you'll only get hurt. Coz just knowing that they like tofu and not soy milk isn't enough.
... Some Hagen boys got me drunk and laughed at me coz I was talking too much.
... I had a minor freak-out because I have only less than four weeks left in Papua New Guinea.
... I pretended that it didn't hurt when the little piece of self-esteem-worth-ego-happiness-whatever fell onto the floor, and I've been kicking it around ever since. Sometimes I stomp on it, because self-flagellation is almost as good as a hangover. I'm getting over it now.
... A wonderful lady brought me two delicious bunches of sugarfruit all the way from Goroka, which made my day. Thankyou very much, wonderful lady.
Filed under Adventures in Deliciousness, Crapola, Exciting Acquisitions, Heeheehee..., So they said...
A bit late...
A few days ago I received a bilum, and this note:
Filed under EEEEeeekk!!!, Exciting Acquisitions, Heeheehee..., So they said...
THAT person took a CONDOM!!!!
This week at the university is Orientation Week.
We have some lovely first year students, all bright-eyed and busy-tailed, ready to become Papua New Guinea's next group of leading academics. They're enthusiastic, walking around with timetables and notebooks clutched anxiously to their chests. How sweet. How inspiring.
But we know what they're up to. 36% of surveyed first year students in 2006 admitted that they were already sexually active, but not using condoms - most said that it was because they didn't know where to get them or they weren't available. So my program has begun a "You can't escape the condoms!" campaign.
I have placed condoms on every available (allowed) surface on campus. I'm leaving boxes of them all over the place and refilling them all the time. So far this week I've left about 3000 male and 1000 female condoms at various places on the campus, and I'm not facing too much opposition at the moment about it.
So it's all going well. Except in the library. This is my main focal point of distribution on campus because all of the new students come for a tour. I have a table covered with educational stuff, and piles and piles of condoms. I keep on piling them up casually in a "take me, take me!" kind of way.
But every time I leave somebody comes along and arranges them in pyramids, or in squares or rectangles, or some other fantastical creation so that if one person takes one little box of condoms the whole structure will be integrally compromised and everyone will know THAT person took a CONDOM!!!!
They're not looking very "take me, take me!" any more. They're looking more "Look but don't touch me!". I can't figure out who's doing it. I'm sure they're just trying to help. But the condoms are there to take, not to make pretty!
I'm off now to paint my face green and brown, put on my army fatigues and do some recon action to figure out who the culprit is. Or maybe just ask around.
Filed under EEEEeeekk!!!, Exciting Acquisitions, Heeheehee...
I'm a Lady with a Hairy Back
Some people won't want to know about this.*
I have a new friend on my back. Points to consider:
1. It was done hygenically: sterile equipment and new needles.
2. It is small and discreet and tasteful.
3. It hurt less than a bikini wax.
4. I have twisted and turned, and concluded that there are some spots on your body that you just can't see without a mirror.
I'm not showing you yet, for two weeks until it's healed.
*If you don't want to know about what the above is implying, please pretend that it's talking about a new hair that I have grown on my lower back, which I have had coloured, permed and styled. Thankyou, that is all.
Filed under EEEEeeekk!!!, Exciting Acquisitions, Super Dooper
More Interesting Things
1. In exactly ONE MONTH I will be 25. Just in case you can't count, that's Thursday March 1st. Please prepare all gifts, hugs, well-wishes, etc. for a timely celebration.
2. I am leaving in 7 weeks. EEEEEKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!
3. Someone quite lovely is getting their brain fixed. Good luck, lovely person. Don't worry, I'll be there in 7 weeks to sing you lullabies, aka David Bowie covers on my pink ukulele.
4. People shouldn't get that drunk at their brother's wedding, even if it is Yehia's fault.
5. If people do get that drunk, they probably shouldn't talk about their testicles, and the said testicles' relationship to squishy cheese. Nor should they demonstrate.
6. Ants are trying to eat me alive. Probably because I'm delicious.
7. I am moving offices, across the hall. For my last seven weeks of work. Efficient.
8. There's a kind of hush all over the university today.
9. There have been so many blackouts today, it's ridiculous. At least two every hour. Damn UPS, I have to stay at work!
10. We're moving towards finalising a wedding date. We have a wedding month, and will let you know when the date is when we know. Hooray!
Filed under Crapola, EEEEeeekk!!!, Exciting Acquisitions, Heeheehee..., Super Dooper, Waiting
Forgot This Too
Ok I forgot to mention this too.
I'm halfway through PNG today.
Well, kind of. Not literally, in a way. But really, I am. Halfway as in halfway through my 12-month assignment. As in 6 months today. Halfway. Through. My. Stay. In. PNG.
EEEEEEEEEEeeeeEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!
So many more things to do! So many more animals to poke! So many more people to play with! So many more crazy things to eat! So many more things to be scared of! So many more t-shirts to see!
Did I mention eek?
EeeeeeEEEEEeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Filed under Adventures in Deliciousness, Crapola, EEEEeeekk!!!, Exciting Acquisitions, Heeheehee..., Miscellany, So they said..., Super Dooper, T-Shirt Of The Day, WOW, Waiting
SH Heaven, AKA and then a Hero comes along...
My oh my I had a great day on Saturday.
Kym had been promising to take me secondhand (SH as she calls it) clothes shopping for ages, and we finally went on Saturday. SO MANY exciting acquisitions, including:
2 dresses - one a very cute red and white striped wraparound towelling number, suitable for Sunday afternoons, especially by a pool. The other a lovely cream cotton dress with crocheted yoke, sleeves and hem just made for my Zsa Zsa sunglasses.
2 skirts - on a delicious brown one that goes beautifully with the heeled boots (see below), one a SUPER AMAZING BEAUTIFUL white one with black silhouettes of little children playing around the bottom hem. The super amazing beautiful one is too small, but will fit if I take the extra-high waistband out. If it doesn't I'll pull out all of the pleats and make it wraparound. I don't care what happens and what I have to do and how much hand-sewing is required for me to be able to wear this super amazing beautiful skirt.
2 pairs of boots - to die for. Please ignore the uselessness of boots in a tropical country. One is the most amazingly spunktacular pair of heels, brown, calf height, delicious beautiful magnificence - 50 TOEA - that's 21 cents in Australia!!!!!. The other is a pair of cowboy boots - they're a little too big for me but socks will fix that and hey, I don't care, coz I'm a cowboy baby. yes, I have a shoe fetish.
8 tops - miscellaneous goodness. Pretty colours - blue, brown, pink, etc.
Miscellaneous - a lovely softest-of-soft brown leather slouch bag that really does talk to me, three gloriously coloured silk scarves, one with tassles. A cute little crocheted cardigan that I could have made but now I don't have to.
2 saris - One a lovely silk green and purple which might be turned into another delicious skirt if my fingers aren't too worn out, one a lovely yellow and pink. To hang over curtain rails when not being converted into clothing items.
WOW. I only spent about 75 kina, that's AUD$29.40. I do now have to purge some of my wardrobe and give stuff that I just haven't worn since I got here away to charity. Nothing cures a ranting rut better than retail therapy!
Filed under Exciting Acquisitions
Day Off
I had a lovely day off yesterday, owing to the excessive amount of work that I undertook last week. It was lovely - I washed all of my sheets and clothes and did lots of relaxing.
I also bought some delicious cutlery to replace the crappy plastic-handles-that-fall-off stuff that we bought when we arrived. I even wrangled a 20% discount for it. This was in an expedition that I took a friend on who wanted some PNG jewellery... I bought the most amazing pair of pearl earrings that have ever been put into ears - they each have three giant mishappen coffee-coloured pearls all in a row dangling off them... she didn't buy anything. She was impressed with my pearls, though. Super Dooper.
Then I cooked dinner for nine people (really, who does that on their restful day off???). We ate with the new cutlery. Fantastico.
Filed under Exciting Acquisitions
A Week of Bilums
I have to admit that I haven't yet taken any photos of my new jewellery and meri blouses, with or without me in them. But, when I do, I will have some exciting additions because this week I was given two lovely bilums from friends! I already have a very large bright purple one with PNG flags all over it, and this week I was given two more themed ones.
One is from my friend Monica (she always says to me on the phone or when she sees me 'Hi, it's me Monica, your friend from the highlands!' She's from Hagen), who seems to have mixed up where I come from - it has an American flag on it. But it doesn't have stars, and it's backward. Now this could be ironic or insulting, politically speaking, to give to an Australian (let alone what Americans would think about its accuracy!). I won't say which I'm feeling.
The other is from my friend Anthony - he is from Chimbu in the Highlands (yes he's a highlander but he doesn't sing the song! He also doesn't remind me every day about where he's from...) and his aunt made a lovely little highland-style bilum in shades of brown. I like that one a lot.
Photos pending!
Filed under Exciting Acquisitions
I'm too sexy for my meri blouse
Saturday morning found Kristen and I venturing out to Ela Beach Market - a fantastico craft market in Port Moresby with all sorts of beautiful things for sale. We each bought some amazing jewellery - my pride and joy is a matching necklace and bracelet made of WATERMELON SEEDS!!!! Not only has somebody sucked off all of the watermelony ickiness (that's where my TB infection will come from), but they have threaded them all onto fishing line to make me some pretty jewellery. 4 kina later, and I'm the spunkiest girl in town!
To add to the spunkiness, I have also bought two meri blouses. I really do look fantastic(???), or something, in them. Next time I have some decent internet access the modelling shots will be displayed.
Filed under Exciting Acquisitions
Green Thumbs
I am feeling a little bit jealous of Cam and Jane (fellow volunteers in Alotau) and their vegie garden. Unfortunately, our garden is all gardened - we have a gardener and thus gardening is not really an option in the gardened garden. I think I might grow some pots of herbs, though, because basil and coriander are both few and far between at the local supermarket. Also super-wilted. So that's my new mission - to go out and buy pots, and seeds, and other necessary paraphernalia, and develop some deliciousness.
Filed under Exciting Acquisitions
Just call me Sporty Spice!
After much umming and ahhing about how I could spend this week (when I'm not eating and/or lying on the couch, that is), I decided that I needed a pair of... sneakers.
This was actually quite a traumatic realisation, brought upon by the telling of many friends and interested others that I would SO need a pair of sneakers because they are practical and comfy, and lighter than my giant great big pair of clodhopping boots, and I can go running through the mud and dust and everything and then throw them away if I really wanted to. I haven't had a pair of sneakers since high school. I think, actually, since year 10. EEEEeeeek! They're just so... sporty! I did already have a pair of pseudo-sporty type shoes, but they're so not sneakers, and too cute to throw away. Another thing is that I'm finding it quite difficult to prioritise which shoes will come with me - I've been told that 12 pairs is too many (in response to which I said that thongs aren't really shoes, so it's really eight, leave me alone I need my shoes!!!). A pair of ugly sneakers next to, and instead of, so many wonderful, cute and colourful pairs of shoes is just heartbreaking!!!
So off to the shops went I. There didn't seem to be much difference between the different pairs, so I went for the least-sporty-looking pair that I could find. I couldn't do anything about the whiteness, though. Ya came to meet me at the train station, and almost feel over laughing when I told him I had bought them. When I later put them on and proceeded to jog on the spot and do some star-jumps, the laughing continued until he decided I'd better stop before I hurt myself. Which was probably a good idea.
Now all I have to do to complete the look is crochet some snazzy sweatbands, and I'll be set!
Filed under Exciting Acquisitions