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"How WWIII will Begin", or "Carolyn gets sick of Stupidos"
8:57 AM, Tuesday, 9 January, 2007
I'm sick of men trying to intimidate me.
Yesterday driving home from work when I turned onto the highway a car full of men decided to pick on me. So when I was trying to indicate to get off the lane-thingy-that-you-drive-on-to-get-onto-the-road-but-which-stops-so-you-have-to-get-off-it-before-it-stops they came up beside me, matching my speed, so that I couldn't change lanes. As my lane was petering out they went more and more slowly, so that I was almost stationary at the end of the lane when they drove off, laughing.
Yehia got somewhat annoyed when, out at a nightclub, I was approached by a big-enormous-oh-my-god-how-did-you-get-that-big-without-exploding man who said "Mr Twinkleballs* wants to speak with you". My response, of course, was "What?"
Mr Burly*: Looking burly; "Mr Twinkleballs wants to speak with you. Come."
Carolyn: Shaking head, with best 'whatever' look on face; "Can't you see my husband over there, pole dancing?!" Looks proudly at Yehia, cheers.
Mr Burly: Looking perplexedly at Yehia, feeling more burly; "Mr Twinkleballs wants to speak with you. Come with me."
Carolyn: Making 'Pfft' sounds with disdainful look on face; "No."
Mr Burly: Looking shocked; "Don't you know who Mr Twinkleballs is?"
Carolyn: Looking around and laughing; "Nah!"
Mr Burly leaves. Yehia watches him walk over to Mr Twinkleballs, who turns out to be a Mike Tysonesque figure, known for beating men and women at will - I was told quite sincerely by a friend "you really don't want to make that man angry, Carolyn!". Nice. Yehia watches them for the rest of the night, as Mr Burly approaches woman after woman on behalf of Mr Twinkleballs. We're not sure if anybody knew who he was. Yehia didn't know who he was, but was nonetheless quite unimpressed.
Then there's the stalkers at the university... and the pickup lines... and the rest that I'm not going to tell about here so that nobody freaks out... etc...
Methinks I may have to invest in some kind of body guard. I know a man who in 3 seconds, with no warning, can clear a two-meter radius with one gaseous emission - I wonder if he'd be interested? But then, there's always the risk that I could fall victim to my own defences in a terrible sphincter-related nightmare scenario where in a giant battle the cloud of gas would spread across PNG. John Howard would use his giant sphincter to retaliate against the threat from the north and the cloud would grow... and then Iran and North Korea would open their sphincters... then George Bush would initiate the biggest sphincter-opening event on the planet and the cloud would grow, eventually encompassing the world and blocking the sun and killing all life forms...
*some real names not used
Filed under Crapola, EEEEeeekk!!!
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Comments
Speechless, just speechless.
Hurry home, won't you?
Posted by: Susanna | January 9, 2007 1:39 PM
You don't need to worry. The person who is capable of the 2-meter-radius-clearance isn't in PNG, so I'm not going to cause the beginning of WWIII.
And don't forget I already have super-dooper-security-men-with-batons-and-angry-dogs if I push a button or screech into a radio.
No ken wari!
Posted by: Carolyn | January 9, 2007 2:31 PM
Isolated incidents like these happen everywhere. For every Mr Tinkleballs there are 1000 Mr and Ms Lovelies. So no need to worry.
Posted by: yehia | January 9, 2007 2:38 PM
I didn't know you have stalkers at the university. And you are leaving in 3 months time. You are probably looking forward to going back to Oz given all the stalking and intimidation you get here. But I'm gonna miss the only person I confided in...or maybe we can still keep in touch. Am looking forward to Perth and Qatar.
Posted by: Paul | January 9, 2007 3:10 PM
Ah, crazies like that exist in every night club and university!! They're probably the same people, as most uni students go to night clubs.... then again, Mr Twinkelballs and his burley counterpart probably doesn't have an education beyond Grade 2!
Never mind the crazies. They're all talk. You'll be fine! Just press the red button on your hand held radio that goes - BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
Scared me.... and Nigel!!
Posted by: Kristen | January 9, 2007 3:41 PM
Don't worry Paul, Australia has JUST as many embuggerances as PNG. Just different - I'd rather be here right now! Don't worry, we'll keep in touch, and maybe even catch up in the Middle East!
Posted by: Carolyn | January 12, 2007 8:26 AM
This is one of your funniest posts ever! And they are usually EXTREMELY funny. Hope your're making a certain K envious. And a certain S. And even G.
xxx
Posted by: antipodeesse | January 12, 2007 8:49 PM