A is for Addax, and it's not a goat at all!
8:49 AM, Friday, 30 November, 2007
There was an altercation on my tram ride home yesterday. An Angry Man started whacking an Annoying Man over the head with his newspaper. Passengers intervened, and the crisis was averted until Annoying Man started complaining because Angry Man had hurt him - this started Angry Man on another whacking spree until passengers re-intervened. I got off the tram before round three started.
I'm baking carrot muffins right now, and I need to go to the stupormarket to get more icing sugar because I have run out, and I refuse to eat them without cream cheese icing. It's a dilemma - I can't be arsed leaving the house, but I want muffins. What to do, what to do?
OMG I found out the other day why I'm scared of axolotls. Even ones called Andrew:
Here is something that was said a few days ago. I'm not going to say who it was said by, or who it was said to:
"I have never been more embarrassed than when you did that enormous fart at Footscray station. And you leaned forward. You. Leaned. Forward. It echoed along the platform. That man walked past us five minutes later, and he was still trying not to laugh. You could have blamed me, if it hadn't been for the fact that you leaned forward to do it."
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Bringing Camel Back
1:39 PM, Monday, 19 November, 2007
A man spitroasted a whole camel and I wasn't invited. Not only is this rude and disrespectful, but it means that now he won't be invited when I spitroast the world's largest quail. An eye for an eye isn't something that I say, but a camel for a quail is. And it's something I stand by.
In a random segue, I also stand by not killing bugs unless they are earwigs. I will defend a spider to the squish and transport it out of the building into a nice garden and I will move snails from the footpath onto the grass after the rain, but an earwig I will pulverise in one foul swoop. They scare me a lot - partly because they scuttle, partly because of those freaky pincers they have attached to their arses. I think that reading George's Marvellous Medicine too many times as a child made me scared that one would bite me on the tongue and never let go. Read the book and you'll understand.
Other things that I did too many times as a child are:
- Force my mother to cut my toast into 16 pieces;
- Not catch the ball and get hit on the nose;
- Not blow my nose, as obviously my brains would come out with the snot and then I would have no brains and catching the ball would be even harder;
- Bake chocolate chip cookies;
- Lick my sister;
- Rub mulberry juice all over my sister's black and white cat, making it black and purple;
- Hold my breath until I passed out;
- Sing "Man of Colours";
- Etc.
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Egg sandwich... Crab sandwich... Crabs lay eggs...
11:10 AM, Friday, 9 November, 2007
I just ate an egg sandwich. It was a proper egg sandwich from a proper egg sandwich recipe, with a little mayonnaise, salt, pepper and freshly picked from the garden lettuce and onion and a bit of mustard and pickled cucumbers and yum! A proper egg sandwich makes the world a better place, and I very much believe that they should be consumed with just that aim in mind. Everyone should eat good egg sandwiches, it gives the world a bit of perspective. This is something that I believe.
Another thing that I believe is that crabs can grow their claws back if they break off. Unfortunately I often have difficulties convincing other people of this. After doing some extensive research* I have discovered the an article in the well-renowned and reputable crabstreetjournal which thoroughly authenticates my hypothesis, and Proves Me Right. Thankyou crabstreetjournal.
I wonder if crab and egg sandwiches would be good?
I will not be ripping the claws off crabs to make crab sandwiches** because I don't think that's kind, and also because I think that then the crabs couldn't eat and then they'd die of starvation instead of growing back another claw. Poor little crabs.
Today is a day off work for me, so I am now determined to do something productive like sew a bizarre outfit, and then cook a feast for my lovely husband. And google things about crabs. And eggs. And sandwiches.
*typing into google the gramatically suspect "can crabs grow their claws back when they lose them?"
**Or to make crab and egg sandwiches, which I'm not really sure about unless the egg is in the form of mayonnaise. Speaking of which, an egg sandwich is really a double egg sandwich, because there's two forms of egg: in mayonnaise, and boiled. Weird, huh?
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