The Baby Alligators are Coming...
12:53 PM, Friday, 27 April, 2007
It's my sister's birthday today. Happy Birthday Katia!
She's in France. I'm in Australia. What's the time difference? Plus something? Minus something? Huh? Let's find out by calling her! Hooray! Birthday Goodness!
Filed under Super Dooper
Labels
12:33 PM, Friday, 27 April, 2007
Carolyn, are you a vegetarian?
No... Why?
Coz you dress like one, duh!
Filed under Heeheehee...
Smelly Cat
10:54 PM, Tuesday, 24 April, 2007
Myth: Cats are anal-retentive about cleanliness.
Fact: No they are not.
The Cat has a habit of running around like a dervish, skidding across the floor. Today The Cat somehow managed to get a giant turd stuck in its fur, and proceeded to skid across the floor while we were away at work. Upon arriving home, Yehia could track the skidding habits of The Cat throughout the day, as the turd gradually dried on its fur and the skidmarks became more crumbly, less smeared.
The Cat was even kind enough to not clean itself completely. Yehia had just enough time before I got home to disinfect all of the floors throughout the apartment, and pick out the dried pieces from The Cat's fur.
The Cat is now clean and hiding in corners, in shame. Yehia and I are traumatised, and have officially delayed breeding plans. The entire house has been disinfected, with that distinct "pine-fresh" scent that can mask the most insidious of odours waiting for you when you open the front door. We shall never speak of this again.
Filed under Crapola
Melbourne Conversations
9:08 PM, Monday, 23 April, 2007
So how was your holiday, Carolyn?
Well actually, I was working. It was great!
Where were you again?
Papua New Guinea.
So how were the Africans?
Um... there weren't that many Africans in PNG...
You know what I mean, the people that live there!
Oh, I see. I think you mean the Papua New Guineans. They were great. Yeah.
Filed under So they said...
Just because you're paranoid don't mean they're not after you...
11:59 AM, Friday, 20 April, 2007
Apparently lots of people from a certain government aid agency and from a certain government foreign affairs agency have been looking at the adventures of this pink ukulele player A LOT over the last couple of weeks.
As I sit with my tinfoil helmet tied tightly to my head, I can only surmise that one of the following is the reason:
a) They are about to invite me to play David Bowie covers on my pink ukulele at Important Governmental Functions, involving Nametags and Men With Earpieces.
b) They are in awe of my Pinkness, and are about to kidnap me to undertake Secret Government Experiments to extract said Pinkness to create a new, undefeatable "SuperPink" soldier.
c) They want to come to Yehia and my wedding, and are checking this place out so that they can bring the bestest gift ever.
d) They have realised that I am somewhat magnificent, and have shortlisted me for the Inaugural Biannual Award for Outstanding Contribution to the Pursuit of Somewhat Magnificence.
e) They want me to make Roller Skating Disco Queen Bride outfits for ALL of them, so that they can all be Roller Skating Disco Queen Brides. Sorry guys, there can only be ONE Roller Skating Disco Queen Bride, and I WILL beat you all in the dance-off!
f) They have a cunning plan...
g) Something else that I can't think up. EEEeeeEEekkKkk!!!
Filed under EEEEeeekk!!!, Waiting
The Eternal Dilemma
2:47 PM, Wednesday, 18 April, 2007
For a year I was a volunteer. This wasn't as glamorous as it sounds - I was working like a normal working person, but only earning an allowance. A good allowance, but an allowance nonetheless. Which just doesn't sound as fun, or as adult.
Upon my arrival in Melbourne, the lovely Yehia took it upon himself to provide SugarDaddy services. Whist this was good, it meant that I didn't have access to funds for important things, on a whim. Eventually I found myself saying,
"I need lovely shoes, henceforthwith I must work in order to have money, in order to buy said shoes."
Following this startling philosophical insight, I sat for a moment. Then I called my Old Work and said "You want me back?" They peered at me cautiously and replied, "Why, certainly."
And so it began (again). I am now working 2 days every week so that I don't tire myself out too much, and so that I have time to make a different outfit for every hour of the wedding. I am working for my Old Work, which has once again become my Work. Working with Angry Teenagers. Guess what I'm doing?
Why, what I always do. Talking about sex.
Filed under EEEEeeekk!!!, Exciting Acquisitions
Wedding Dress Idea #3359: Roller Skating Disco Queen
11:30 AM, Friday, 13 April, 2007
I'm getting married this year, and I'm going to make my dress...
As she glides into the reception, the glitz of the Roller Skating Disco Queen Bride is only matched by her extraordinary theme-tune and the spotlight that is on her at all times. Gold lurex hotpants shimmer as she boogies through the venue; her gold and purple sequin bolero catches the flashing lights like a thousand sequined glowworms; her purple glitter tank top barely keeps her modest. The Roller Skating Disco Queen Bride's starry starry eyes, uplifted to gaze knowingly at the disco ball, are accentuated by pure gold false eyelashes and glitter adorns her sparkilicious skin. Of course this Roller Skating Disco Queen Bride has a spectacular tiara adorned with the most delightful of sequin embellishments, showing that she really is the Queen of Roller Skating Disco, as well as a bride.
Glittery gold rollerskates are, of course, the feature of this outfit. How the bootmakers managed to add wheels to the bottom of 5-inch platform over-the-knee lace-up boots is anyone's guess, but this is the only bride that could ever pull it off. Or put them on. Whatever. All that matters is that in these glitterful rollerskate boots, this Roller Skating Disco Queen Bride can move like no other.
And move this Roller Skating Disco Queen Bride does. The inevitable dance-off with the evil jealous guest who wants to steal her spunky man and take over the world is filled with flair, flips, flourishes and flouncing. The followers of the Roller Skating Disco Queen Bride will back-up dance as they have never back-up danced before, in the most beautifully choreographed spirit-finger demonstration ever seen. Of course the evil jealous guest who wants to steal her spunky man and take over the world skates wailing and crying from the venue in utter annihilated defeat, as the Roller Skating Disco Queen Bride grooves into the arms of her beloved. All is well in the land of the Roller Skating Disco Queen and her King.
"A place, where nobody dared to go... the love that we came to know, they call it Xanadu!"
Filed under Let's Get Married!
The Cat has Issues Volume II, and the Funkiest Monkey that ever Popped
12:30 AM, Thursday, 12 April, 2007
The Cat drools. Not buckets, and not down its cheek. Only very occasionally, and onto the floor in little drops. It will sometimes give us a funny look, then turn it's eye to the floor and dispense a thoughtful drip.
Is it an improvement from the head-slamming? This remains to be seen. It is certainly a lot quieter, albeit more slippery. Either way it would seem that it's a happy little cat and we shall observe it closely for any more oddities.
In other news, it would seem that I have become somewhat Nocturnal of late. Whether it be from excessive coffee drinking, obsessions with whacky characters, no routine in my life or general battiness I do not know.
All I do know is that I want Monkey's boots:
Filed under EEEEeeekk!!!, Heeheehee..., Waiting
The Cat has Issues
11:59 AM, Tuesday, 10 April, 2007
The Cat has decided to slam it's head into things today. I'm sitting on the couch and she's sprinting around the living room, skidding across the floorboards and crashing into things quite hard, mostly with her head. She sits still for a minute, then gets up and starts running around, doing it all over again. Run, skid, crash, pause... Run, skid, crash, pause...
I'm not sure what to do. Is this normal cat behaviour? I have seen other cats in my life, and they don't seem to find banging their heads on things quite as amusing. Is this normal behaviour for this cat? Perhaps, normally left home alone to it's own devices, The Cat is forced to amuse itself by knocking itself unconscious? Or is it some kind of political protest on behalf of The Cat? Perhaps it can't bear a hunger strike, and has resorted to a different kind of self-harm, in the name of an unknown political cause, in order to stick it up The Man..?
Perhaps I will knit a wee cushion to stick on the top of her head. Perhaps I will knit a large cushion to wrap around all of the hard things in the house. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...
Filed under EEEEeeekk!!!, Waiting
Some More Interesting Things
9:37 AM, Tuesday, 3 April, 2007
- Perhaps I had Dengue Fever! I told you there were lots of mosquitoes!
- Yehia just made me sign my name lots of times. Whilst he told me that it was for a "joint account", I have suspicions that he may be about to sell my kidneys to pay for the wedding.
- The Terror that Purrs in the Night (aka Spinach the cat) did not forget me while I was in Papua New Guinea, and has switched alliances from being Yehia's sidekick back to being leader of my evil minion(s). Perhaps this has motivated the sale of my kidneys.
- I have been eating lots of delicious things.
- Melbourne is very cold. I realised this when my coconut oil solidified. Also when I couldn't stop shivering. Constantly.
- There is lots of stuff here.
- The stuff is somewhat overwhelming.
- The food is somewhat delicious.
- Hooray!*
*with bits of sad, because I miss Papua New Guinea.
Filed under Crapola, EEEEeeekk!!!, Heeheehee..., Let's Get Married!, So they said..., Super Dooper
Wedding Dress Idea #8865: Superhero
10:10 AM, Monday, 2 April, 2007
I'm getting married this year, and I'm going to make my dress...
This Superhero bride has it all: underwear on the outside, thigh-high boots, fantastic hair, underwear on the outside. She can fly, she can fight, and she can throw a bouquet from here to the sun.
Her outfit is, of course, as fantastic as her Superhero feats. Fantastic pink underwear is worn on the outside of her super-fantastic purple lycra jumpsuit, matching perfectly the fantastic purple and pink cape. Her fantastic superhero boots are thigh-high and have superhero stiletto heels with which she can fantastically skewer evil foes. Her fantastic utility belt is made of the finest fantastic lycra, with all of the hooks and wires and zippie things and pokie things and gadgets required of Class-A Superheroes. It's fantastic!
Various Evil Nemeses will need to be vanquished throughout the wedding day, as must be expected. This bride's hair will not be flustered, though, as she kicks and flies her way through them to the glory and gratitude of her lovely groom. There may be times when the groom's own health is endangered, as he is tied to traintracks and/or catapulted to the moon, but this bride will be on the ball and will always save the day. Her Evil Nemeses, in a battle to destroy the world as we know it, will even try to mess up her hair - source of all of her magnificent Super Powers! Just in the nick of time this bride will take her magical mystical hairbrush from her super lycra utility belt and save the day with a well-placed quiff, shouting "Vodka and Canapes for All!"
"Fighting Crime, Trying to Save the World, Here they come Just in Time, The PowerPuff Girls! POWERPUFF!!!"
Filed under Let's Get Married!