The wonderful adventures of Yehia and Carolyn
10:03 AM, Friday, 29 December, 2006
Queensland was a lovely catchup where I refined my special method of sister-torture, and bought bikinis. We spent a night with The Good Doctor, and almost forgot a hockey stick at the LoveShack.
Dr. Charlie Love, at your service...
Other people have mentioned the Family Holiday, though, so I will save my fingies. Yehia and I landed back in Port Moresby a week ago today. We could tell that we were back when we heard gunshots in Boroko in the afternoon and were pulled over that night at a power-tripping police roadblock, where they 'used their discretion' and didn't fine us for not having the interior light on. In other words, they were looking for bribes to pay for Christmas.
It was all ok, though, because a couple of days later we flew all the way up to Kavieng to stay at Nusa, where we played with fishies and crabs and hornbills and parrots and dogs. The water was divine and the beaches were white and we swam around the islands and snorkelled with the starfish and lay around on hammocks. We also ate a lots of crabs and crayfish and fishies and omelettes and goodness.
Now we're back in Port Moresby again, and we are enjoying coffee and friends and fun. Yesterday we hosted 12 children for a seventh birthday party where Uncle Ya (aka Uncle Ugly Ugly Monster) taught small children how to throw balls at each others' heads, and Auntie Carolyn got fried in the sun like an egg. Just for jealousy's sake, here's a few photos of the kind of places that we were subject to up at Nusa:
Finger Update: It went away and was all happy and better, but then it got itchy and swollen again. Dr. Love told me not to worry about it so I didn't, and now it's all better and happy again. Something strange (not a child) did bite me in the pool yesterday, on my upper thigh, and that has made a really weird mark. More news on the strange bite mark later.
Filed under Super Dooper
We're all going on a summer holiday...
2:40 PM, Thursday, 14 December, 2006
Finger update: I still haven't been to the doctor, because it's only hurtie and not super-hurtie or hurtie-ow. I took an antihistamine this morning and I don't think it did anything. I have poked it a lot and stuck it in several people's faces - this didn't do anything either. It is still swollen and red, and it is quite itchy now.
Tomorrow I am going to Australia for a holiday with representatives of my family. I shall be sitting on a beach, among other things. Then Yehia and I are coming back to Port Moresby for a couple of days before we go here for Christmas. We shall partake in more beach-sitting. Wonderful it will be.
So no more exciting pink ukulele adventures for a couple of weeks. Well, maybe intermittent ones, between sitting upon various beaches. Yalla byebyez!
Filed under Super Dooper
Help, please...
9:04 AM, Wednesday, 13 December, 2006
cue: owie!
Last night I was stung by a bee.
It landed in my hair and I brushed it out but it stung me on my finger, right in the middle joint of my middle finger. It hurt Quite A Bit. I said 'owie, I've been stung by a bee!' and pulled the sting out of my finger. It still hurt lots so I ran it under cold water for a while and it hurt less.
I did notice, though, that there was a tiny little beesdick of a beesting still in my finger...
This morning when I woke up it was still a bit Hurtie. Then I noticed that I can't bend my middle finger properly. Then I noticed that my middle finger is somewhat swollen. Not too much, just enough to make it look abnormally fat and ugly. I'm not certain but I'm pretty sure that my finger isn't normally that abnormally fat and ugly. If I put my other middle finger over the top of it (and give myself a double bird) I can see it sticking out underneath. Where the beesdick of beesting is, there is a little spot of blood sitting under the skin like when you jam your finger in something and it makes one of those icky blisters full of blood. And it's all red and hurtie.
Which brings me to the question: At what point does a beesdick of a beesting still stuck in your finger, making it swollen and Hurtie, justify going to the doctor? Does the doctor have to take the beesdick of a beesting out of my finger? What if he can't find the beesdick of beesting - beesdicks by their very nature are really quite small!
If I decided to go to the doctor I would have to call up the international insurance company and tell them about my beesdick of a beesting and feel that I would sound somewhat silly. Talking about beesdicks of beestings and all.
At what point in all of this will my middle finger be rendered useless, completely stunting my career as a world-class ukulele player let alone limiting insulting gestures to my left hand?
Is my finger going to Fall Off???
Am I being a hypochondriac? I believe that it's a Problem when one's finger doesn't bend properly and is Hurtie, and is swollen and ugly. And last time something stupid like this happened and I got a teeny-tiny-ant-sized scratch it turned into a tropical ulcer, and I don't want anything dramatic like that happening again.
So in the meantime I'm going to pretend it didn't happen and leave it to Responsible Members Of The Public to tell me what to do. I may stick it in a few people's faces to see what they say, too. Thankyou.
Filed under EEEEeeekk!!!
You can ring my bell!
2:00 PM, Monday, 11 December, 2006
I got my mobile number back (reclaimed it from the phone company, but I don't have my phone, have to use an old and crappy one) AND I got my hussymobile back, so Things are A Bit Better. People can now contact me in case the world blows up and they want to tell me, or in case I have won a million dollars, or in case they want me to play David Bowie covers on my pink ukulele at their birthday party. There are some people who can't call me, though, and they are:
- Evil Ex-Landlord
- Stinky person who stole my phone
- Stupid guy in town at 11:30pm on Friday night who stood in the middle of the road that I was driving on and said, "Ooooh... White Meri... All alone..."
Anyway, we had a party on Saturday night for Christmas. We took the catering Very Seriously, with red & green sushi, vodka watermelon, bacardi jelly shots, slushies and cocktails with copious amounts of food colouring in them. There may have been Shenanigans, and possibly even High Jinks and Tomfoolery. My mouth was red, then green, then red again. I think it went brown in the middle there. Pretty colours. My hands were many colours. The bench was many colours. So was the coffee table.
Preparations involved glitter:
And the hats were well worth all the effort:
There were some really beautiful people there, supermodels I think:
And one that bore a strange resemblance to a reindeer:
The bartenders were of the most talented and refined sort (this was taken before I 'apparently' spilt green food dye all over them):
The next day, the guards put the discarded decorations to good use:
Unfortunately, Kristen's phone was stolen at the party. To the slimy creep who took it: You are a slimy creep. Bring it back, you slimy creep! NOW!!! Or we'll do something really bad to you. So there. You slimy creep!!!
Filed under Adventures in Deliciousness, Super Dooper
Tag Team
9:10 AM, Tuesday, 5 December, 2006
Just in case The Monster comes back...
Filed under Heeheehee...
Bother, Drat and Damn!
9:56 AM, Sunday, 3 December, 2006
The soap opera that comes with being a world-class pink ukulele player continues: I have had a Bad Spot Of Time.
I would normally say bad week, but it has lasted more than a week. Start being sympathetic now.
First of All: When I moved out of my old house at the end of September, my landlord decided that he would refuse to give my bond back. I had been nice (aka stupid) enough to pay the whole of my bond and not bother the other flatmates with it. So now I am short 3618 kinas, which might not be much for some but I AM A VOLUNTEER. He (also known as Evil Devil-Spawn ex-Landlord from the Depths of Hell, EDSELFTDOH) decided that since I had signed a lease for 12 months (incidentally I forgot to sign it, he's lying, I still have the unsigned copies) I was not entitled to have my bond back. In fact, EDSELFTDOH decided that I could either:
a) pay him the six months' rent still owing on the lease and then retreive my bond OR
b) forfeit my bond.
Little did he know that I know the Cutest Little Engan Lawyer On The Planet (CLELOTP, aka Kym) who is going to lawyer his arse.
Second of All: As a lovely pink-ukulele-playing lady volunteer in Port Moresby (capital of the ninth-most-dangerous-country-in-the-world) I am provided with a vehicle with which to get myself from one place to another. Said vehicle had been subject to 'dubious' servicing before my posession of it, from which the brakes never came back quite right... I took it in for a service a week and a half ago, and they took it apart, and said:
"We can't actually legally put this car back together. The brake pads and brake discs are worn through, and the struts are about to fall apart which is why they are clunking so much, and the whole system is about to fall out of the car. If we put it back together we'll be liable for the brakes failing, which they WILL."
So off goes the submission to funding body to get the repairs authorised... Friday passes... Weekend passes... Carolyn has no transport... Monday passes... Tuesday comes and Carolyn chucks a fit and gets repairs authorised. Because it was left so long Carolyn has to wait until the end of the week... Still no car... Should be ready on Monday...
Third of All: Yesterday I was at a hotel in Port Moresby eating chips, and my mobile phone was on the table. Then I went home and my phone wasn't in my bag. Kristen and I had a minor panic and called the hotel, who said it hadn't been found. We sent a text message to my phone, and it was replied with a blank message. We realised that the person who has my phone didn't realise it's one of the snazzy slidey ones so we sent him a message telling him/her to slide it... and they stopped responding to our messages. We sent him/her thousands of messages saying, "bring the phone to the hotel where they are holding a reward at the front desk for you" but they are not responding. The network was down and we couldn't call it... We still can't call it... Others who called it got no answer...
See, the only way that anyone can contact me is on my mobile phone because I don't have a landline coz nobody in Port Moresby has a landline coz the phone company is so crap and useless and coz they cost so much so now nobody can call me in case the world blows up and they want to let me know, or in case I have won a million dollars, or in case they want me to play David Bowie covers on my pink ukulele at their birthday party...
Fourth of All: There's other stuff but this is just geting too complainey so I won't go into that. Most dramatic things have been mentioned.
I miss my little phone and I feel that I am castrated like a little castrated lamb that has had its bum chopped off as well as its testicles. And now the rest of it is about to be chopped up and put on a giant spit and slowly turned over charcoal then put into bread with salad-type-ingredients and garlic sauce and eaten by drunk people. Except that I still have my bum. And I never had testicles.
Please can I have some sympathy? I'm sad and pouting. Lots. Sad. Me. Pouting.
Note to all residents of Port Moresby and the world who have my mobile number: Call it. Several people already have begun tormenting the current possessor of my phone, who hasn't the nouse to turn it off in order to stop being harrassed. So call it, torment them. Text them. Bug them. Make their life hell. Coz they suck crap (not because they're into that kind of thing, which is ok by me as long as they don't want me to join in - it's because they stink and are stupid robbing bastards).
Filed under Crapola
T-Shirt Of The Day
8:46 AM, Friday, 1 December, 2006
Today's (well I saw it yesteday which is even more apt!) T-Shirt Of The Day was spotted in Konedobu, on my way home:
Your Rights at Work
Not amusing at all. Very serious, in fact. For more information on such an important issue look here. Particularly appropriate, considering thousands of people were rallying yesterday. Today's T-Shirt Of The Day scores 10/10 in the category, 'Let's all internationally tell Howard how much he sucks'.
Btw, today is World AIDS Day. Support it. Now. Please.
Filed under T-Shirt Of The Day